No! This can’t be happening!!! Isn’t he gay? And isn’t she a man???

Teri Hatcher and American Idol host Ryan Seacrest engaged in an unholy union of lip-mashing on a Malibu beach on March 25, after a lunch of lobster and oysters at a nearby restaurant. Hatcher sported an American Idol baseball cap, which she turned around backwards for their face-sucking session. Who says romance is dead?

How do they know what they ate? Maybe they had mac n cheese or hot dogs. Hot dogs seem more Ryan’s type.

Gag inducing pictures of this not at allllllll staged “date” after the jump.

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Star Jones, when she was still fat… hahahaha, okay that was a joke. She’s still fat. But when Star Jones was fatter, before the stomach stapling, lipo, and breast reduction… she caught a football with her face.

Best.Video.Ever.

I know this is old, but honestly, does seeing nipples ever really get “old”??? I didn’t think so. But where is the other one? Maybe that’s why this Brazilian beauty is still a virgin… she only has one LimaBean!

We have semantic issues with calling these shots of supermodel Adriana Lima “nipple slips”: our sources tell us they’re caps from a fashion program on Brazilian television, and they have a much less hysterical attitude towards nudity down there than we do. And rather than attempting to cover up in a Tara Reid-like frenzy of embarassment and confusion, Adriana actually seems to be adjusting things to give the camera a better look. So maybe “full-on generous nipple offering” would be a more exact term to use here.

Source: Fleshbot

Either Tom Cruise and Keith Urban are really short, or Katie Holmes and Nicole Kidman are really tall. According to IMDB, Tom Cruise is 5′ 7″ and Keith Urban is 5′ 10″, while Katie Holmes is 5′ 9″ and Nicole Kidman is 5′ 10½”. Either Keith has terrible posture (like Katie) or IMBD is wrong and he’s more like 5′ 8″ or so. Either that or Nicole is like 6′ 1″.

Personally, I’m pretty short so I don’t mind short-ish men, but if I were taller I think I’d feel funny if my boyfriend was so much shorter than me. I’d definitely never wear enormously tall heels like Katie is in the habit of doing. Or maybe I’m just weird, but a lot of my shorter male friends have complexes so I associate being taller with being more masculine. But then again, one of my shortest male friends is also one of my manliest male friends. I’d soooo fuck him if he weren’t married or I had no morals or we both got really drunk and it just slipped out of his pants on accident and fell inside of me. But I digress.

I’m not sure where these pictures of Mischa Barton were taken, but I think female topless nudity should be legalized, and Mischa Barton should be the spokewoman for my cause.

In actuality, this is probably another case of the shirt looks fine in the mirror yet is completely transparent under the bright flash of the camera. That’s okay with me because obviously the shirt would look stupid with a bra underneath.

Mischa should be proud of her pink puffy nipples. More of’em after the jump.

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Keira Knightley was properly accessorized last night for her 21st 1920’s-themed birthday bash.

Her knickers matched her dressed exquisitively.

While I’m not sure what the connection is, if any, to a 1920’s theme and pig masks… I think Keira looked just swine!

See more after the jump.

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This is a hilarious spoof of America’s Next Top Model by the geniuses at Product Invasion. The girl who imitates Tyra Banks is dead on.

Wilmer Valderrama, best known for his role as “Fez” on ‘That 70’s Show’, was on Howard Stern this morning promoting his new TV show ‘Yo Momma’. Wilmer admitted to Howard that he has an 8” cock. What do you do with an 8” cock when you’re young, sexy and famous? You fuck Mandy Moore, Lindsay Lohan, Ashlee Simpson, and Jennifer Love Hewitt that’s what.

In a game of FMK (Fuck, Marry, Kill) Wilmer claimed that he would marry Mandy Moore, fuck Lindsay Lohan, and kill Jessica Alba.

I never believed any of those Wilmer Valderrama drug rumors before today. You always fuck Jessica Alba and kill Lindsay Lohan. Wilmer was probably just sour that he never got to bang Jessica Alba.

Pictures of all the girls Wilmer has boned and you haven’t after the jump.

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Ashton Kutcher looks like he’s about 13 in this video, plus he’s banging someone who looks like, and is the age of, his mother, so, like, ew. But DAAAYUM! Josh Duhamel looks fine! I’m just pretending Fergie does not exist in my universe except when she’s singing about Lady Lumps. I don’t know that I could still love Josh the way I do now if I accepted the fact that he has PROBABLY had his penis inside of that man-lady…

ANYWAY… enjoy the naked hotties!

Claudia Schiffer was recently photographed by paparazzi as she strolled around some fancy resort topless. That means her BOOBS were out. Waitaminute… Is that her husband, producer Matthew Vaughn, following her around while he’s on his cell phone? Dude, you’re next to a Supermodel. I can think of a hundred… well not literally a hundred, but at least two or three really yummy things that would be better on your face than an effen cell phone. Brumsky those beauties!

I know some haters might say that my wife (don’t tell Matt), Claudia Schiffer, isn’t looking her best, but I think she looks great. This is a 36 year old mother of two, WITHOUT make-up on. You know you’d hit it.

More hooters after the clicky…

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