Here is the always elegant Natalie Portman in this month’s issue of Vanity Fair. She’s looking very Audrey Hepburn with the short hair and all. Natalie’s lucky that she’s so gorgeous, she can actually pull off such a short hair cut. I hope she’s planning on growing it out the rest of the way. She only went bald last year for a movie role — V for Vendetta, which was actually a really good movie — to begin with.

More after the jump. Unfortunately she’s only half naked for one photo.

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Okay, I lied. Angelina Jolie is not really a mermaid — although if she were she would be considered the most beautiful mermaid in the mer-world — but she is planning on giving birth underwater. Well not underwater like snorkling or… drowning, just in water, like a bath, but it’s not just a bath… oh nevermind.

Angelina Jolie and Brad Pitt are reportedly planning to deliver their first biological child in a giant tub of water.

The movie stars have been looking into birthing possibilities at the Welwitschia Hospital in Namibia, and are keen to go aquatic when Jolie goes into labour.

I hope they plan on importing a hundred gallons of Evian to fill the birthing pool with…

Source: Female First

What a twisted web these people weave! Denise Richards is divorcing Charlie Sheen. Heather Locklear is divorcing Richie Sambora. Denise Richards and Heather Locklear are BFF’s (or used to be). Denise Richards goes and makes out with Richie Sambora. WTF? Heather Locklear is the only one coming out of this mess looking like a total victim. To make matters even stranger, Denise claims that Charlie “threatened to kill her, abused prescription drugs, had violent mood swings, compulsively gambled and used pornography”.

Pictures of Rinise or Dechards or whatever people will start calling them after the jump.

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Cindy Margolis, self proclaimed as the “Most Downloaded Woman” on the intraweb — wasn’t that disproven on the Howard Stern show by Danni Ashe? — is… drumroll please… posing nude for Playboy. The 40 year old mother of three has turned down offers to pose for the magazine in the past, but Margolis said she accepted this time because she felt posing nude at the age of 40 is “empowering”. Whatever.

Admittedly, she looks good for her age and considering she’s knocked out three kids, BUT… she’s plastic, as you can see in the top picture. The nose is what really gets me. It looks like a spaghetti noodle or something.

If you like’em like Barbie dolls then by all meams check out the pictures after the jump.

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Oh fer…

Britney Spears, 24, couldn’t hide her pregnancy any longer when she showed up poolside at Caesar’s Palace in Las Vegas this weekend, sporting a red bikini and a serious bump. The singer is expecting her second child with husband Kevin Federline, 28, sources have confirmed to Us. The couple have been married since September 2004 and have a seven-month-old child, Sean. Federline has a daughter, Kori, 3, and a 21-month -old son, Caleb, from a previous relationship.

I hope this turns out to be false! Britney Spears’ own website is not reporting a pregnancy like it did when she announced her knocked-upped-ness with Sean Preston.

Source: US

As painted by 14 over at Gallery of the Absurd… Here is Tom Cruise and Katie Holmes, aka TomRat, posing with their new baby girl, Suri. Yes, Suri. Suri is a variant on the name Sarah, which means “princess” in Hebrew. So err… are Scientologists Tom Cruise and Katie Holmes now also Jewish? Because I can tell you right now it don’t work that way. What nutters.

Is Britney Spears the worst parent ever or what? According to a source, who revealed their secrets to the National Enquirer, baby Sean Preston has fallen off of a bed twice. So the Pop Princess not only rides around in her SUV with her son in her lap, suffers from “high chair malfunctions” that lead to her son falling out of said chair, her baby also takes tumbles off of beds. Brilliant, Britney… just brilliant. That poor little kid is gonna grow up rough…

Britney Spears is facing fresh heartache over baby Sean Preston amid fears that he could suffer long-term brain damage. When seven-month-old Sean toppled out of his high chair and fractured his scalp it wasn’t his first fall, an ENQUIRER investigation has uncovered.

Twice before, says a source, the baby has rolled off of the pop princess’ bed and crashed to the floor. That’s one of the shocking new claims about Britney’s bizarre life uncovered by The ENQUIRER — and, tragically, it comes as doctors say Sean could suffer brain seizures or memory loss for years to come.

Thank goodness Braindead White Trashitus isn’t hereditary or else Sean Preston would be doomed, but he may be doomed anyway with neglectful parents like these.

At least his mom has nice funbags. After all, that’s what’s important. A nice tan, cute bikini, big fake boobs, etc. /eyeroll

Source: National Enquirer

Katie Holmes finally popped today!!! The TomKitten has entered the world! I wonder if Tom Cruise ate the placenta? (I hope everyone realizes that statement was false.)

Katie Holmes and Tom Cruise have welcomed their first child together, two inside sources have told PEOPLE.

No other details are immediately available.

In late October, barely six months into their romance, an ecstatic Cruise and Holmes revealed that they were expectant parents.

As for marriage, Cruise and Holmes plan to tie the knot soon, Cruise said on the German TV program Wetten, dass..? on April 1. “In summer we want to get married. I won’t let this woman get away.”

Immediately ahead for the new dad: the May 5 release of Mission: Impossible 3. Holmes stars in the recently released satirical film about Washington politics, Thank You for Smoking.

Source: People

Defamer just put up a video of Tom Cruise using a Blackberry to talk back and forth with Katie Holmes during his “Primetime” interview. Diane Sawyer did not look amused.

Vanity Fair gets all the girls naked, don’t they? What mystical clothes shedding powers do they behold, I wonder? Keri Russell shows us some ass in the latest issue, and pimps her new movie Mission Impossible 3.

Did you know that there was huge controversy over Keri cutting her hair while she was starring in the WB series Felicity? I never watched the show so I missed out in the apparent turmoil. Found the following tidbit on IMDB.

After Keri had her hair clipped in August 1999, this affected the overall performance of “Felicity” (1998), where it affected fan consensus and the Nielsen ratings. A letter-writing campaign saved the show for another season, and the WB network came up with a resolution, where young stars will not alter their current hairstyles as a strategy to avoid a TV series, airing on the WB network, to be cancelled, or for worse, having an actor/actress fired or subsequently terminated out of his/her contract.

Weird. I watch Gilmore Girls on the WB and Alexis Bledel has changed her hair length/style several times over the years. I wonder if those hair cuts/growths were the actor’s decision or the network’s?

Image via: Egotastic